Today is Ghost Day...
I said it unwittingly loud in my mind.
-Whose ghost?, asked the Elf.
I growled noiselesly, there we go again!
-Eh... nobody's and anybody's, I had to answer or die.
-But then, the little rascal would not let it alone, but then,
how is it "a" ghost?
-A ghost, is a ghost, is a ghost!!! I hammered trying to close the argument, to no avail.
-How do you become a ghost? asked my elf.
I knew he knew but as always I am mincemeat in his mindhands.
-I am no ghost, I said sternly, trying to deviate his line of thought... Maybe it is easier to stop the moon from circling the Earth.
He giggle as a teenager, sometimes I think he is underage!
-Not you, silly, a person.
-Well... first «that person» must die, I tried desperately to find a reason to end the discussion, well, first «that person» must die and then there must be an administrative goof somewhere in the next life, «that person» cannot go to heaven and «that person» cannot go to hell, so «that person» becomes a... Ghost! That's it!
As always, it was a mistake:
Next life! What you mean "next life"! It is preposterous!
He must have found that word somewhere in my archive and was trying to make his point about my being a nerd.
- Why you think it is SILLY? I asked trying to make him go down on syllables. You see, we change sides easily enough.
-Such a PREPOSTEROUS idea!, he retaliated, when have you been in the next life?.
-Never, I recognized, but then again I am not dead yet!
-There ain't a next life, he said. What happens is that you change tracks.
Tracks?... changing tracks?? dreading his meaning I choose the easy way of correction:
-Is not, I pointed, trying to hurt his grammar ego and start a new discussion.
I should know my elf!
-That's what I said, repeated the elf, there ain't!
-You see, he went on, a person must die to become a ghost, and so it must go to the "next death", not the next life!
-But, I tried to keep in touch with reality, how can you be alive in the next death?, I mean... Ah!!, next death?!!!
-Nobody is alive in the next death!, the elf retorted triumphantly.
-But, but a ghost... I said somewhat incoherently.
-A ghost is a dead person, ain't it so?
I let that go.
-Yes, dead person, I said, forgetting the old wives' tales about animal-ghosts and things-ghosts.
-Well, there you are!
I swallowed a Valium and a Prozac, drank a glass of water and refused to listen anything else...
Just before I was lost in the dense haze of unconsciousness a thought emerged from my subconscious: Wouldn't all this be a big joke, a huge pun, concocted by Elf?!
© 2007 Soother.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Am I a nerd?! (Ranting)
-You are a nerd!
The Elf was busy editing some of my old thoughts into smarter ideas when he turned around and spat these word to my astonished self.
-What?, I replied without originality.
-You heard me!, he continue without mercy.
I felt the usual desire to squeeze his little neck, but controlled myself and asked him:
-Why you think I am a nerd?
He let drop a small shred of a thought and replied:
-No, I do not think you are a nerd, you are one without my thinking!
-Ok, why? I tried to stop a new line of discussion which would have lost ourselves in a different argument.
- You see, he came again, you like old fashioned music, reading... reading!, of all the dull, boring things on the world, and writing things nobody cares about any more as that mumbo jumbo about love and romanticism! Where on earth can you find a romantic person nowadays? And you are out of character trying to impersonate one.
-Are you trying to insult me?, I asked a bit unnecessary.
-Oh! no, I am not trying to insult you, said the curmudgeon, I am insulting you out of smugness.
-Smugne..., now the desire to throat him was unbearable, the effort to keep mi mindfingers in my mindpockets left me mindless for a moment, then recovering I said between tight closed teeth:
- Will you elaborate, please?
- You see, he countered, what's that of "will you elaborate?", he moved his head from left to right producing an acceptable imitation of my mindvoice, can't you be a normal person and say something in the line of "How is that?"... and all that Opera thing... Whoever listen those bellowing fat ladies saying things nobody understands?
- Now look, I said in a very low voice, I was very near the edge to loose myself into a maze of gruesome acts concerning the head and body of this kinky small creature.
-Now, look, there are words in the world and they are there to be used, it is our business to know them and to make our vocabulary a better thing than the mere two hundred voices, and one thousand insulting epithets we usually employ... and there are no fat ladies bellowing anywhere, you small piece of a smaller than life shirt!!!
I was already shouting and my mindhands were mindfists, so after the last word I realized I was almost over the edge of using words I respect but prefer not to keep company with, so I closed my mindeyes and started singing "one elephant went out to play, upon a spider's web one day..." to calm myself, when I was on the seventh elephant I realized it was not working, so I changed gears and started with "Frère Jacques, frère Jacques, dormez vous? dormez vouz?" The effort to think French words made anger subside, inhaling deeply I finished in a more civilized voice:
-There are beautiful women like Dames Kiri te Kanawa and Joan Sutherland who delight us with their performance and wonderful voices making the words of the lyrics become an indistinct fluttering of butterflies in a "coloratura", you hear me?! I ended, ruining the
image I created with these three pedestrian last words.
He raised his head and looking the tip of his nose replied:
Oh, well! you are a lost case, and with that he returned to nitpicking my thoughts!
Just to make my point I asked myself to start in my CD player "Spira sul mare.." the sweet song where Cio-Cio-San, Madama Butterfly, sings her happiness to be engaged to Pinkerton and where a beautiful Renata Scotto shows the wonderful skill of her voice.
And everything was well again, swinging with the loving voice of "... la fanciulla più lieta del Giappone... venutta al richiamo d'amore" (the happiest girl in Japan... who came to the call of love) I returned to my usually placid mind.
© 2007 Soother.
The Elf was busy editing some of my old thoughts into smarter ideas when he turned around and spat these word to my astonished self.
-What?, I replied without originality.
-You heard me!, he continue without mercy.
I felt the usual desire to squeeze his little neck, but controlled myself and asked him:
-Why you think I am a nerd?
He let drop a small shred of a thought and replied:
-No, I do not think you are a nerd, you are one without my thinking!
-Ok, why? I tried to stop a new line of discussion which would have lost ourselves in a different argument.
- You see, he came again, you like old fashioned music, reading... reading!, of all the dull, boring things on the world, and writing things nobody cares about any more as that mumbo jumbo about love and romanticism! Where on earth can you find a romantic person nowadays? And you are out of character trying to impersonate one.
-Are you trying to insult me?, I asked a bit unnecessary.
-Oh! no, I am not trying to insult you, said the curmudgeon, I am insulting you out of smugness.
-Smugne..., now the desire to throat him was unbearable, the effort to keep mi mindfingers in my mindpockets left me mindless for a moment, then recovering I said between tight closed teeth:
- Will you elaborate, please?
- You see, he countered, what's that of "will you elaborate?", he moved his head from left to right producing an acceptable imitation of my mindvoice, can't you be a normal person and say something in the line of "How is that?"... and all that Opera thing... Whoever listen those bellowing fat ladies saying things nobody understands?
- Now look, I said in a very low voice, I was very near the edge to loose myself into a maze of gruesome acts concerning the head and body of this kinky small creature.
-Now, look, there are words in the world and they are there to be used, it is our business to know them and to make our vocabulary a better thing than the mere two hundred voices, and one thousand insulting epithets we usually employ... and there are no fat ladies bellowing anywhere, you small piece of a smaller than life shirt!!!
I was already shouting and my mindhands were mindfists, so after the last word I realized I was almost over the edge of using words I respect but prefer not to keep company with, so I closed my mindeyes and started singing "one elephant went out to play, upon a spider's web one day..." to calm myself, when I was on the seventh elephant I realized it was not working, so I changed gears and started with "Frère Jacques, frère Jacques, dormez vous? dormez vouz?" The effort to think French words made anger subside, inhaling deeply I finished in a more civilized voice:
-There are beautiful women like Dames Kiri te Kanawa and Joan Sutherland who delight us with their performance and wonderful voices making the words of the lyrics become an indistinct fluttering of butterflies in a "coloratura", you hear me?! I ended, ruining the
image I created with these three pedestrian last words.
He raised his head and looking the tip of his nose replied:
Oh, well! you are a lost case, and with that he returned to nitpicking my thoughts!
Just to make my point I asked myself to start in my CD player "Spira sul mare.." the sweet song where Cio-Cio-San, Madama Butterfly, sings her happiness to be engaged to Pinkerton and where a beautiful Renata Scotto shows the wonderful skill of her voice.
And everything was well again, swinging with the loving voice of "... la fanciulla più lieta del Giappone... venutta al richiamo d'amore" (the happiest girl in Japan... who came to the call of love) I returned to my usually placid mind.
© 2007 Soother.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
The desire of the everlasting hills (Soliloquies)
When would the desire of the everlasting hills be accomplished?!
Days go away as the hackneyed saying goes: sand between the fingers.
I am not complaining, it is fast, the passing of time I mean, but not fast enough for a light soul with immense wings. Things happen but they are not changing anything. Remember the old rule, change anything that let everything stay unchanged?
It is amazing how after eons human beings still keep their old practices of exploitation (such a blasting word!), indifference and hate towards their own species, what is worse, it seems as if there is no signal of change.
Even if all persons on the world (count me in, of course), I am being generous here but lets give us the benefit of the doubt, all persons on the world would agree that we are gentle, forgiving and with the heart full of good feeling to our neighbors, evil runs rampant on every place and nook on this miserable planet.
In an optimistic mood one can believe that tares, or better yet darnel, and wheat grow together but reality shows us that the scent of darnel fills all the corners of Earth.
I think we must endure and wait, but it is not easy. Mermaids' songs are stronger as time goes by, society follows paths far away from those mounds and glens we learned to call our own, and when the landscape changes so radically we start to ask: Are we right?, is it worth this solitude and this pain? But of course, when we come to remember we are a small boat in the grieving, dusky ocean of reality, the answer comes easily to mind: "this is how it is, there is no way around, we must accept solitude as our natural environment, no matter how noisy it is, it is all beside ourselves, never into us". We are in here but we do not belong here, not as a solid part of the party we live daily, only as a necessary accessory. So we can enjoy what there is to enjoy and endure whatever there is to endure.
Yeah, right! But it is still a hard bit to bite!
What if...?
Oh! come on!!
© 2007 Soother.
Days go away as the hackneyed saying goes: sand between the fingers.
I am not complaining, it is fast, the passing of time I mean, but not fast enough for a light soul with immense wings. Things happen but they are not changing anything. Remember the old rule, change anything that let everything stay unchanged?
It is amazing how after eons human beings still keep their old practices of exploitation (such a blasting word!), indifference and hate towards their own species, what is worse, it seems as if there is no signal of change.
Even if all persons on the world (count me in, of course), I am being generous here but lets give us the benefit of the doubt, all persons on the world would agree that we are gentle, forgiving and with the heart full of good feeling to our neighbors, evil runs rampant on every place and nook on this miserable planet.
In an optimistic mood one can believe that tares, or better yet darnel, and wheat grow together but reality shows us that the scent of darnel fills all the corners of Earth.
I think we must endure and wait, but it is not easy. Mermaids' songs are stronger as time goes by, society follows paths far away from those mounds and glens we learned to call our own, and when the landscape changes so radically we start to ask: Are we right?, is it worth this solitude and this pain? But of course, when we come to remember we are a small boat in the grieving, dusky ocean of reality, the answer comes easily to mind: "this is how it is, there is no way around, we must accept solitude as our natural environment, no matter how noisy it is, it is all beside ourselves, never into us". We are in here but we do not belong here, not as a solid part of the party we live daily, only as a necessary accessory. So we can enjoy what there is to enjoy and endure whatever there is to endure.
Yeah, right! But it is still a hard bit to bite!
What if...?
Oh! come on!!
© 2007 Soother.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
What!? Out!? (Ranting)
...the silence in my mind woke me up.
Am I still asleep?, I asked myself, then I saw daylight by the windows and heard the usual sounds going on in the house, but...
... in my mind, SILENCE, a terrifying stillness, not a single note of "Vesti la Giubba" or "E lucevan le Stelle" in the shivery voice of the Elf; after so long with him living in there I was so much used to all the ruckus produced by this unrestrainable imp that the unexpected quiet upset me deeply!
I started to run around my mind, looking under some notions scattered on the floor, looked about the archives and the files with crescent alarm, even disturbed some ideas, arranged alphabetically and with a small tag reading: "tbust" (to be used "somewhen" tomorrow, this is the Elf doing, his concept of order and time, go figure!), and there was no sign of the Elf!
With all the strength of my silent mindvoice I cried: EEEEEEEELF! I was frantic!! and in despair.
The noise I was doing almost makes me lose the small sound reaching up from far away: cooomiiing!
What's that? coming? how come? coming from where?, my mind is surrounded by solid walls, as any other mind! He could not be coming, he should be into! I was reasonably sure he was not inside my mind.
It is a very cluttered mind (Elf doing, not mine), I had wandered from wall to wall several times looking for the wretched goblin and could not find him. Then again, how he came in the first time? I assumed he was born here! I was totally confused!
Then from far away the little voice, this time a bit stronger: coomMIING! and lo! from a obscure recess of the far wall there appears the familiar small shape of my Nemesis.
-You! I stuttered, you, little, short piece of a small, wretched son of a pistol!
Sometimes I can be very creative in my abuse.
-Where have you been hiding, how can you hide into my mind?! I run the whole darn thing up and down and you move so fast I couldn't find you!
-Steady, dud! he said, you'll work yourself into a heart condition!
-I want to make a sailor knot with your skinny neck!
-Hey man, he countered, what makes you think you own me?! I can do whatever I want and it is no business of no one...! (He sounded angry, and when angry he forgets his grammar, if he has ever learned one!)
I had to recognize he was right, my anger came from the belief that he has gone forever. Can you believe it? I like the miserable little fellow!
-Ok, ok, I said letting down steam, but where were you hiding?
-I wasn't...
-How come?
-Now, I shouldn't be saying this to you but the one who cannot leave his mind is you (still angry). I can go out into another mind to visit my cousins living there. Or go out to the Universe at large and visit some other... well, let's say, people.
-You kidding!
-No, I am not!!!
Angrily he took the biggest idea he found at hand and wrapped it around his little figure leaving me alone and totally confused.
He said, he was out! Out! Is it possible...?
© 2007 Soother.
Am I still asleep?, I asked myself, then I saw daylight by the windows and heard the usual sounds going on in the house, but...
... in my mind, SILENCE, a terrifying stillness, not a single note of "Vesti la Giubba" or "E lucevan le Stelle" in the shivery voice of the Elf; after so long with him living in there I was so much used to all the ruckus produced by this unrestrainable imp that the unexpected quiet upset me deeply!
I started to run around my mind, looking under some notions scattered on the floor, looked about the archives and the files with crescent alarm, even disturbed some ideas, arranged alphabetically and with a small tag reading: "tbust" (to be used "somewhen" tomorrow, this is the Elf doing, his concept of order and time, go figure!), and there was no sign of the Elf!
With all the strength of my silent mindvoice I cried: EEEEEEEELF! I was frantic!! and in despair.
The noise I was doing almost makes me lose the small sound reaching up from far away: cooomiiing!
What's that? coming? how come? coming from where?, my mind is surrounded by solid walls, as any other mind! He could not be coming, he should be into! I was reasonably sure he was not inside my mind.
It is a very cluttered mind (Elf doing, not mine), I had wandered from wall to wall several times looking for the wretched goblin and could not find him. Then again, how he came in the first time? I assumed he was born here! I was totally confused!
Then from far away the little voice, this time a bit stronger: coomMIING! and lo! from a obscure recess of the far wall there appears the familiar small shape of my Nemesis.
-You! I stuttered, you, little, short piece of a small, wretched son of a pistol!
Sometimes I can be very creative in my abuse.
-Where have you been hiding, how can you hide into my mind?! I run the whole darn thing up and down and you move so fast I couldn't find you!
-Steady, dud! he said, you'll work yourself into a heart condition!
-I want to make a sailor knot with your skinny neck!
-Hey man, he countered, what makes you think you own me?! I can do whatever I want and it is no business of no one...! (He sounded angry, and when angry he forgets his grammar, if he has ever learned one!)
I had to recognize he was right, my anger came from the belief that he has gone forever. Can you believe it? I like the miserable little fellow!
-Ok, ok, I said letting down steam, but where were you hiding?
-I wasn't...
-How come?
-Now, I shouldn't be saying this to you but the one who cannot leave his mind is you (still angry). I can go out into another mind to visit my cousins living there. Or go out to the Universe at large and visit some other... well, let's say, people.
-You kidding!
-No, I am not!!!
Angrily he took the biggest idea he found at hand and wrapped it around his little figure leaving me alone and totally confused.
He said, he was out! Out! Is it possible...?
© 2007 Soother.
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